I called into work today because I'm feeling about ten different types of crappy. Physically and psychologically.
I feel very sick and last night I woke up in the middle of a panic attack that lasted about three hours and was about a 10 on the richter scale of panic attacks. Uncontrollable shaking, crying, fear of dying and losing my mind all combined with severe stomach pains. I was *this* close to telling Andrew to call 911 because I felt like I couldn't breathe, couldn't think.
I think what triggered it was that I sort of woke up in the middle of a dream and sometimes when I dream, I'm not completely myself and I realized that I was kind of awake but I didn't know if I was me and I started thinking as though I was the person I was dreaming about.
And I have a very, very strong phobia of becoming schizophrenic or in any other way losing my ability to stay in contact with reality. The idea of becoming psychotic and suddenly not being myself anymore terrifies me.
Not that I was that much better off last night.
It also may or may not have had to do with my blood sugar crashing.
All I know is that it was far more traumatic and terrifying than when I got into a car accident, was slammed into by another car going 70 MPH and got to sit around looking at my own foot bones sticking out of my foot.
I cannot even think of what I'd do if I had to deal with other people or work or society today. So far I've kept afloat by sleeping a lot (because I was too scared to sleep until about 3am last night) and watching The Presidents on DVD and House episodes.
I'm wondering if it's something I need to tell a doctor about.