I am fat and angry.

[earthbelow]

I wish the hot weather would go away now. I've had about all the summer I can stand. I'm ready for it to be cool enough that I can take a walk to the store at nine in the morning without coming back soaked in sweat.

I'm kind of in a tetchy mood today. I think it's because I'm getting frustrated with my weight. Because of the heat, my exercise level hasn't been what it usually has. I'm doing some weights and keeping busy when I can, but I can't just haul off now and take a twenty minute bonus walk in the afternoons because it's now ninety five degrees and I really don't want to die of heat stroke.

More than that, I'm getting really frustrated with the way weight loss is talked about by the media and advertisers and various companies. Because it seems like people don't just want you to lose weight, they want you to lose it on their damn timetable

Ever notice that all those get thin ads talk about losing "10 pounds in a week!" or "30 pounds in a month!". It's not enough to lose that ten pounds, oh no. Your fat ass has a deadline. Never mind that you have to earn every pound. Never mind that on a 1200 calorie, 1 hr a day exercise regimen you lose only about a pound every ten days. You're not getting skinny fast enough.

And that makes me want to start serving up the knuckle sandwiches in an all you can eat buffet. I just want to hit something in it's big ugly face.

I get frustrated because I *am* losing weight. And I'm tired of feeling like I have to race to the finish line for everyone else's convenience. I've lost weight quickly before and it came back with a vengeance. So now I'm doing this the healthy way, and yes, it takes longer. But I don't want to put on fifty rebound pounds. I just can't handle that.

It may take me three or four years to get to where I want to be, physically. But you know what? That's fine. If it takes me a little longer, if I go at it slow and steady? I don't think that's a failure. We can't all skip a lunch now and then, do a couple of laps and then instantly drop twenty pounds. Some of us have to try a lot harder. So while ten pounds may be nothing for other folks, it's a big fucking deal for me.

Which is why I'm seriously going to explode at the first member of my family who talk about weight loss to me. I don't even care who it is. But if my sister pulls the "why don't you get bariatric surgery?" schtick again? It will BE ON LIKE POPCORN. She depresses me. She's a size 2 and still trying to lose weight. At size 18/20, I sort of want to ask her what the point is if there's no end in sight. If you have to stress about it even when you ARE an acceptable size why bother being an acceptable size at all?

I see the ads for weight loss that take a person (usually a woman) who is probably a size 6/8 and airbrushes them so they're a size 4 and it makes me so angry. Because a size 6/8 is the impossible dream for me. I would probably actually consider killing someone if I knew it would make me that size forever. If I was that size, I would get up every morning doing the "I'm a size 8 and I can go shopping for clothes and get respectful medical treatment!" dance.

So to see someone take what is a dream for me and say it's STILL NOT ENOUGH? Makes me lose my mind.