Why being an adult is better than being a child
Sunday, 23 August 2009 19:40![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
earthbelowIn the wake of this family drama, I've really started contemplating on how much better my life is as an adult than when I was child, and I thought I'd make a list of things I no longer have to put up with now that I am an adult:
1. I do not have to live with someone who makes me unhappy, hurts me, or I am otherwise uncomfortable with. If the person or people I am living with hurt me, I have a right to leave or expect them to leave, depending on the situation.
2. I do not have to attend, participate in, or otherwise involve myself with any religious activities against my will. I can choose which beliefs I hold, which I profess, and how I express those beliefs. I am not required to say that I believe things which I do not. I am not required to participate in religious activities which are hurtful, frightening, or otherwise traumatic.
3. I do not have to worry that food, affection, physical safety, or freedom of movement will be taken away from me for disagreeing with someone who lives with me, no matter what the disagreement. I also do not have to worry that if I show that the behavior of other people is distressing me (by crying, getting angry, or frowning) that I will be punished simply for that. I do not have to smile and act cheerful when I'm not, and I don't have to worry that I will risk punishment for doing otherwise.
4. Judgements about my character, beliefs, and activities based solely on what I read, watch, or listen to will not result in being slapped, yelled at or having my access to food, shelter, and freedom of movement threatened.
5. While there are some workplace and societal restrictions, I can - especially in my own house - wear whatever I damn well please without being slapped, yelled at, or having my access to food, shelter, and freedom of movement threatened or taken away.
6. I can choose when and what I eat. I am not forced to ingest substances that I do not like or may even be harmful to me and make me sick because someone else cooked it or because "it's rude". I do not have to eat when I am not hungry. When I am hungry, I do not have to ask anyone's approval for getting food. My access to food is not controlled by someone else. I do not have to risk that I will have it taken from me.
7. My sexual activity and orientation are no one else's business. I do not have to risk being hit, yelled at, or having my access to food, shelter, and freedom of movement threatened or taken away for expressing it. While I may face social criticism and disapproval and certain family members and friends may disapprove and end our relationship for it - in my own home, I can do what I please. I do not have to hide or explain my sexual feelings and activity to anyone else. I do not have active campaigns telling me to repress my sexual feelings. I have access to sexual education and birth control whenever I want/need it. I do not need to ask permission for this access or inform anyone of it.
8. My intellectual pursuits and academic progress are mine to choose and no one else's. My intellectual and academic activity are not monitored, scrutinized, or put on a scale. If I do not measure up to someone's expectations of my intellect or academic activity, I am not punished.
9. I do not read, watch, or listen to anything I don't want to. If I don't like a book, I put it away.
10. If I am unable or unwilling to do certain things, I am able to - within certain limits - arrange to avoid those activities. If playing, say, basketball, is painful for me I am not required to do that. If going to certain places makes me uncomfortable, I do not have to do that.
11. I am able to exercise when, if, and how I want. If I am feeling sick, I do not have to get someone else's permission to rest. If certain activities embarrass or hurt me, I am not required to do them. If I like an exercise and am good at it, I can continue to do it as long as I like. I can arrange to do exercise at a time that is best for me, and my progress is not monitored by anyone else but me and those professionals I choose to help me.
12. I do not risk having property searched or confiscated without a good legal reason and a warrant. No one is legally allowed to enter my space and do such things as read my diary, take away possessions.
13. Unless there is a legally sufficient reason, no one can restrict my freedom of movement. I can leave my room, my house, my street, my apartment, my state, my time zone at any time I want without having to ask permission.
14. I have the right to appeal decisions made by authority figures.
15. I have the right to expect explanations of decisions made by authority figures that go beyond "just because" or "because I'm the mom". I have the right to expect reasonable decisions and the right to make complaints when I feel decisions are unreasonable. While I may not necessarily get satisfactory results, I am not barred from making those complaints.
16. I am not forced to allow people in my space who hurt me, make me uncomfortable, or who I otherwise don't want there because someone else has allowed them in my house.
17. My access to food, shelter and freedom cannot be arbitrarily taken from me. So long as I am able to afford these things, I can have access to them. No one can evict me from my house without a legal reason.
18. If someone in a workplace or other public or semi-public environment is hurting, harassing, or otherwise bothering me, I can tell them to stop. I can also seek redress and expect that my complaints will be taken seriously. I will not be told to "suck it up" or "ignore it" or "hit back".
19. If all else fails, I am allowed to leave that workplace or that environment and seek another without asking permission of anyone. I am not required to stay in a harmful environment.
20. I can choose when and how much sleep I get. If I wish to sleep in on a day when I do not have any other requirements, I can. If I wish to sleep until 2:30pm on my day off, I am more than entitled to do that. If I wish to stay up an hour later to finish a book, watch a TV show, play on the internet, or because I just don't feel tired yet, I can do that.
21. I can choose when and how I clean the space of my home. If I am tired, busy, or otherwise occupied, I do not have to do chores. While they are no more fun than they were when I was a kid, I get to do them at my own pace, in my own time, to my own satisfaction. Arbitrary standards of cleanliness set by someone else no longer apply to me. If I think it's clean enough, it's clean enough. I do not risk being hit, yelled at, or having my access to food, shelter, or freedom of movement restricted for not doing these things.
22. I do not have to ask permission to go to the bathroom in public places or my workplace. If I have to go, I go. I do not have to worry that my access to restroom facilities will be arbitrarily taken away because a teacher or other authority figure thinks that I am being disruptive.
23. I can choose which friends I want to associate with. It is no one's business who they are. I do not risk being hit, yelled at, or having my access to food, shelter, or freedom of movement taken away if other people do not approve of these friends. I can invite them into my house when and if I want. They are not required to leave my house until they want to or I ask them to.
24. I do not have to ask permission to purchase something for which I have the money. I do not have to hide that purchase.
25. I do not - within legal boundaries - have to do certain things or refrain from certain activities because of my age. I do not have to interact solely with people of my own age, and can seek out friends of any age without that being a problem (again, within legal boundaries). If I want to look older or younger, I can do that. I do not have to read certain books (or refrain from reading others) because they are (or are not) "age appropriate".
26. In order to take away my rights and freedoms, authority figures are required to have justification, warrants, and obey certain codes of conduct.
27. No one is allowed to hit me just because they are angry and I am smaller than them.
28. No one is allowed to take food away from me as punishment.
29. I can refuse medical treatment that I don't want, even if others think I should accept it. I am not required, for any reason, to subject myself to painful medical procedures that I don't want or need. I am not required to take medication that makes me feel bad or affects me negatively.
30. I know that I can find people who will love me and care about me without using manipulative and emotionally abusive tactics to control me or hurt me.
31. I can arrange my own transportation. I do not have to, unless I choose and arrange for it, wait for someone to pick me up or take me somewhere. I do not have to ask permission to get in my car and go somewhere. If someone is late, I'm allowed to be mad about that.
32. I am not expected to sit quietly and wait during activities that mean nothing to me. I do not have to follow someone to work because they don't know what to do with me. I do not have to accompany someone on errands that bore me, make me uncomfortable. Unless I choose to, I don't have to sit in a car while someone is in the grocery store, or wait while someone gets their hair done.
33. I can be alone if I want to. I am not required to have a person looking after me at all times.
1. I do not have to live with someone who makes me unhappy, hurts me, or I am otherwise uncomfortable with. If the person or people I am living with hurt me, I have a right to leave or expect them to leave, depending on the situation.
2. I do not have to attend, participate in, or otherwise involve myself with any religious activities against my will. I can choose which beliefs I hold, which I profess, and how I express those beliefs. I am not required to say that I believe things which I do not. I am not required to participate in religious activities which are hurtful, frightening, or otherwise traumatic.
3. I do not have to worry that food, affection, physical safety, or freedom of movement will be taken away from me for disagreeing with someone who lives with me, no matter what the disagreement. I also do not have to worry that if I show that the behavior of other people is distressing me (by crying, getting angry, or frowning) that I will be punished simply for that. I do not have to smile and act cheerful when I'm not, and I don't have to worry that I will risk punishment for doing otherwise.
4. Judgements about my character, beliefs, and activities based solely on what I read, watch, or listen to will not result in being slapped, yelled at or having my access to food, shelter, and freedom of movement threatened.
5. While there are some workplace and societal restrictions, I can - especially in my own house - wear whatever I damn well please without being slapped, yelled at, or having my access to food, shelter, and freedom of movement threatened or taken away.
6. I can choose when and what I eat. I am not forced to ingest substances that I do not like or may even be harmful to me and make me sick because someone else cooked it or because "it's rude". I do not have to eat when I am not hungry. When I am hungry, I do not have to ask anyone's approval for getting food. My access to food is not controlled by someone else. I do not have to risk that I will have it taken from me.
7. My sexual activity and orientation are no one else's business. I do not have to risk being hit, yelled at, or having my access to food, shelter, and freedom of movement threatened or taken away for expressing it. While I may face social criticism and disapproval and certain family members and friends may disapprove and end our relationship for it - in my own home, I can do what I please. I do not have to hide or explain my sexual feelings and activity to anyone else. I do not have active campaigns telling me to repress my sexual feelings. I have access to sexual education and birth control whenever I want/need it. I do not need to ask permission for this access or inform anyone of it.
8. My intellectual pursuits and academic progress are mine to choose and no one else's. My intellectual and academic activity are not monitored, scrutinized, or put on a scale. If I do not measure up to someone's expectations of my intellect or academic activity, I am not punished.
9. I do not read, watch, or listen to anything I don't want to. If I don't like a book, I put it away.
10. If I am unable or unwilling to do certain things, I am able to - within certain limits - arrange to avoid those activities. If playing, say, basketball, is painful for me I am not required to do that. If going to certain places makes me uncomfortable, I do not have to do that.
11. I am able to exercise when, if, and how I want. If I am feeling sick, I do not have to get someone else's permission to rest. If certain activities embarrass or hurt me, I am not required to do them. If I like an exercise and am good at it, I can continue to do it as long as I like. I can arrange to do exercise at a time that is best for me, and my progress is not monitored by anyone else but me and those professionals I choose to help me.
12. I do not risk having property searched or confiscated without a good legal reason and a warrant. No one is legally allowed to enter my space and do such things as read my diary, take away possessions.
13. Unless there is a legally sufficient reason, no one can restrict my freedom of movement. I can leave my room, my house, my street, my apartment, my state, my time zone at any time I want without having to ask permission.
14. I have the right to appeal decisions made by authority figures.
15. I have the right to expect explanations of decisions made by authority figures that go beyond "just because" or "because I'm the mom". I have the right to expect reasonable decisions and the right to make complaints when I feel decisions are unreasonable. While I may not necessarily get satisfactory results, I am not barred from making those complaints.
16. I am not forced to allow people in my space who hurt me, make me uncomfortable, or who I otherwise don't want there because someone else has allowed them in my house.
17. My access to food, shelter and freedom cannot be arbitrarily taken from me. So long as I am able to afford these things, I can have access to them. No one can evict me from my house without a legal reason.
18. If someone in a workplace or other public or semi-public environment is hurting, harassing, or otherwise bothering me, I can tell them to stop. I can also seek redress and expect that my complaints will be taken seriously. I will not be told to "suck it up" or "ignore it" or "hit back".
19. If all else fails, I am allowed to leave that workplace or that environment and seek another without asking permission of anyone. I am not required to stay in a harmful environment.
20. I can choose when and how much sleep I get. If I wish to sleep in on a day when I do not have any other requirements, I can. If I wish to sleep until 2:30pm on my day off, I am more than entitled to do that. If I wish to stay up an hour later to finish a book, watch a TV show, play on the internet, or because I just don't feel tired yet, I can do that.
21. I can choose when and how I clean the space of my home. If I am tired, busy, or otherwise occupied, I do not have to do chores. While they are no more fun than they were when I was a kid, I get to do them at my own pace, in my own time, to my own satisfaction. Arbitrary standards of cleanliness set by someone else no longer apply to me. If I think it's clean enough, it's clean enough. I do not risk being hit, yelled at, or having my access to food, shelter, or freedom of movement restricted for not doing these things.
22. I do not have to ask permission to go to the bathroom in public places or my workplace. If I have to go, I go. I do not have to worry that my access to restroom facilities will be arbitrarily taken away because a teacher or other authority figure thinks that I am being disruptive.
23. I can choose which friends I want to associate with. It is no one's business who they are. I do not risk being hit, yelled at, or having my access to food, shelter, or freedom of movement taken away if other people do not approve of these friends. I can invite them into my house when and if I want. They are not required to leave my house until they want to or I ask them to.
24. I do not have to ask permission to purchase something for which I have the money. I do not have to hide that purchase.
25. I do not - within legal boundaries - have to do certain things or refrain from certain activities because of my age. I do not have to interact solely with people of my own age, and can seek out friends of any age without that being a problem (again, within legal boundaries). If I want to look older or younger, I can do that. I do not have to read certain books (or refrain from reading others) because they are (or are not) "age appropriate".
26. In order to take away my rights and freedoms, authority figures are required to have justification, warrants, and obey certain codes of conduct.
27. No one is allowed to hit me just because they are angry and I am smaller than them.
28. No one is allowed to take food away from me as punishment.
29. I can refuse medical treatment that I don't want, even if others think I should accept it. I am not required, for any reason, to subject myself to painful medical procedures that I don't want or need. I am not required to take medication that makes me feel bad or affects me negatively.
30. I know that I can find people who will love me and care about me without using manipulative and emotionally abusive tactics to control me or hurt me.
31. I can arrange my own transportation. I do not have to, unless I choose and arrange for it, wait for someone to pick me up or take me somewhere. I do not have to ask permission to get in my car and go somewhere. If someone is late, I'm allowed to be mad about that.
32. I am not expected to sit quietly and wait during activities that mean nothing to me. I do not have to follow someone to work because they don't know what to do with me. I do not have to accompany someone on errands that bore me, make me uncomfortable. Unless I choose to, I don't have to sit in a car while someone is in the grocery store, or wait while someone gets their hair done.
33. I can be alone if I want to. I am not required to have a person looking after me at all times.