long meme

[earthbelow]

eliade reminded me of my favorite meme ever. The 100 things about me meme. You list 100 random facts about yourself. It's definitely good for the soul. I did it way back in 2003. And now am going to do it again to see how much I have or haven't changed.

My entire f-list should do this. I want to see what your 100 things come out looking like. Or if you've done it before, think of 100 more and see if you've changed anything.

Seriously. This meme does things to your brain and to what people know of you. I'm tagging everyone who reads this.



1. I have an unfailing certainty I will get cancer. Not sure if I'll die from it, but I know I'll get cancer someday. I see ads for cancer-related meds on TV and think, "Don't flinch, don't look away. That's gonna be you one day."

2. I am so freaking fat. I can sometimes fool myself into thinking I look good despite being fat, but only if I only look at certain parts of my body.

3. I have insulin issues and it pisses me off to no end when people who know this feel the need to be my mother (or in the case of my mother, double her motherly efforts) and remind me. Or say, "here's some diabetic/sugarfree (insert food name) for you". Thank you for making a point of excluding me because something is wrong with me. Maybe I could just quietly slip my sugarfree stuff in there and NOT make a big deal of it? Yeah - thanks.

4. My mother once grounded me from dinner for a week in elementary school - bad grades or something. Can't remember what. The worst part was not being hungry. I actually didn't ever feel that hungry (also, I traded up for people's lunches and scraps like a MUG at school in preparation for it). It was the isolation. She rescinded the grounding on a Thursday (IIRC) because she didn't want me to think of food as a reward.

5. I don't want anyone to think my mother is a bad person, because if you'd known me as a kid. I had a masochistic streak. I egged her on. I sometimes begged for it. Most vicious fights between my mother and I are just as much my fault as hers. Because I had a rule of thumb which was "there's no such thing as being too dramatic or too mean" when fighting.

6. But not physical masochism. I cried every time but one when I recieved spankings and paddlings. I mean big ol' crying jags where I couldn't get my stuff together for like an *hour*. It was the humiliation, man, and the hurting of my pride. Also - I just hated being in trouble as a kid.

7. I love dogs. Seriously. Better than most people. I also love cats. Gerbils. Rats. Mice. Monkeys. Elephants. Dolphins. Horses. Cows (I love cows!). Pigs. Wolves. Beavers (hahaha!). Tigers. Bears. Racoons. All mammalian creatures have a place in my heart. I don't like bugs, reptiles, or fish, however. Non-mammals are icky. It's not rational. I could care less.

8. I saw a baby chimp once. It was cuter than any human baby I will ever see in my life. Baby animals outcute baby humans by like a factor of 1000x.

9. I don't want kids ever. I just know it's something that's not for me. Babies? Meh. Little kids? There's a lot of snot going on. Medium kids? A little better. You can have semi-rational discussions with them. I might adopt one day.

10. I try not to be ashamed of any more of myself than absolutely necessary.

11. I am such a prude when it comes to clothes, and that's because I learned early on that fat people should cover themselves up and not expose their ugly bodies where they could offend other people's eyes. I still can't shake that.

12. The first time I cut myself was in 5th grade. It started out as a curious whim, seeing if I could cut part of my skin off without it hurting. And then? It was revelation. I sat in the back of the room on Fridays and did it during art (when we had scissors, of course) and had these neat little V-shaped scabs from it. I loved it and it was my super special secret that made me feel proud because I could do this to myself and not hurt and nobody else could. I got pissed at this girl - Mandy - told on me and I had to lie to my 5th grade teacher so I wouldn't get in trouble.

13. I liked my elementary school, save 4th grade, because it was small and quaint and frankly - I liked living in a small town. I didn't actually know it was small until I saw a bigger town and didn't realize that Jackson was small 'til I saw Nashville and didn't realize that Nashville was even smaller 'til I went to Atlanta and realized that *dude* my town was microscopic.

14. One of the biggest things that decides whether I like a character in a novel/TV show/movie is whether they show concern/affection for another character that's hurt. And when characters don't? They automatically go in my "bad guy" box.

15. I have a H/C streak a mile wide.

16. I've never been pierced, tattoo'ed, or in anyway purposely altered. Never want to.

17. I am clumsy. So I've learned to laugh hysterically at myself when I fall.

18. I have a disturbing love of watching videos of people fall on shows like America's Funniest Home videos. Seriously? Watching people fall/trip/get hit is hysterical. Especially if it's a surprising fall.

19. I don't believe in capital punishment. I do believe in abortion. I don't feel there's any contradiction in this. I feel both principles uphold the sanctity and worth of human life.

20. I still do not have any diagnosed mental illnesses. And I am still SO proud of that.

21. I don't look down on people who do have mental illnesses and take medication.

23. I do look down on people who DON'T have mental illnesses and DO take medication and use it for sympathy/social acceptance. Because I feel it demeans the not-so-glamorous struggle of those who aren't pretty, thin, and tragic who deal with things like depression, OCD, schzophrenia, etc.

24. Back massages are my kryptonite. Gimme a good backrub and I belong to you for life. I think that's what I enjoy most about being in a relationship with my current boyfriend. I can be like "rub my back". And he will. Thus, he rocks. Sometimes, I think I could give up sex for a promise of life time back rubs whenever I wanted them.

25. I don't have racial, gender, sexual, or religious biases as a whole. I do however have some class biases that I recognize and try to overcome. Mostly against the very wealthiest of society.

26. If a lane of cars is merging with mine or someone wants to get in front of me, I decide whether I let them based on how nice their car is. If they're driving a POS chevy? I let them in and wave and smile. Especially if they're in a work van or construction truck. Because I say to myself, "Hey, you're working and you're on the job and you're just trying to earn your daily bread. Here, let me make your day a little brighter." If they're driving an SUV, BMW or any other recognizably expensive car? I tailgate the car in front of me just to spite them a little. I drive a Honda with no air, no radio, one tail light, and an engine light that's been on for two years. You can wait a while in your fancy-schmancy Lexus.

27. I get extremely angry whenever someone uses the phrase, "Why can't they get a better job?" or some equivalent which demeans a certain type of job. Because I think people don't realize that there aren't enough "better jobs" (whatever the *frell* those are) to go around for all of society. Somebody, somewhere really *does* have to flip hamburgers, dig ditches, and stock grocery store shelves. It's honest work. It's decent work. It's not a bad job. It's *a* job at all. At least they're working.

28. Anyone who uses that phrase should have to switch jobs with the person they just insulted. You should go work 12-hours a day in fast food/retail hell and they should get to sit at your desk and get your 401k and your dental benefits and your paid vacation for $50,000 a year. And then come back and tell me how it easy it is to "work your way up". See if you work your way up your former lifestyle at 5.75 an hour.

29. The more I learn about sugar and insulin and stuff, the more horrified I become at what people *eat* in America. And the more I marvel at people who run around with Snickers and Twix and other sugartastic candies on a daily basis. The more I am so horrified at the food I used to eat.

30. I can't think of a genre of music in which I don't like at least *one* song or *one* artist.

31. I try to paint sometimes, but am no good at it. I still do it, because the visceral experience is quite fun. And one day, I want to just have a paintings that's a bunch of colors swirling the way they do on a pallet, because I think that's just the prettiest thing ever.

32. I'm obsessed with paint chips. Every time I go into Walmart, I grab a handful. It makes me feel better.

33. I am also obsessed with fabric patterns, wallpaper patterns, and the like. I go through the fabric section at stores and just want to cut little squares off of all the fabrics I like.

34. I want to learn to sew stuff and make clothes. I don't care how girly or quaint it sounds, it's also extremely useful and practical and takes some mad skillz.

35. I only go to see female doctors, if I can at all help it. Especially for gynecological needs. Doctors are arrogant enough, I don't need an arrogant *man* telling me he know more about what it's like to have a uterus than I do.

36. I'd love to be a college professor. I'd love to be a college professor that's well loved by students for a) not requiring any textbooks or only one or two and b) being very cool.

37. I started wearing a bra in like 5th grade. It was not fun.

38. I used to get told "life would be fairer if you were a boy" a lot by my grandmother. Thus, I had a great fear of one day having my gender changed against my will. I liked being a girl, I just didn't want to be THEIR kind of girl.

39. I knew everything about dinosaurs when I was a kid. My favorite was the brontosaurus (which is a fake dinosaur as it turns out). My second favorite was the iguanadon, because it was very gentle and had cool thumbs.

40. I am obsessed with rocks. Pretty rocks. Interesting rocks. Rocks with impressions of fossilized shells in them. I love *rocks*. I could totally look at rocks forever and ever. I went to the big Hall o' Rocks in the Museum of Natural History in NYC and loved it. It was almost an overload. I will go back and spend a day there and take notes.

41. I love obscure knowledge. Obscure factoids. I wish there was an obscure_stuff comm on LJ.

42. I went through a phase in 7th grade where I could pull large clumps of my hair out and laugh. It freaked other people out and I loved doing it just for that reason.

43. I have a very detailed memory of my childhood (with the exception of one or two big black holes) and I get very curious as to why people say they don't. I can name most of the people who were in my classes in elementary school, where they sat, what they looked like, how I felt about them, who their parents where. I can remember every teacher I've ever had. I can remember as far back as 4, I think.

44. I have memories of childhood that I don't know where to place. Meaning, I know they happened but I don't remember when. Like being in gymnastics.

45. I am obsessed with paper journals, paper, pens, notebooks, pencils, paints, inks, calligraphy implements, fancy writing.

46. I read my first adult sci-fi book at about 12. It was Anne McCaffrey, but not one of her Dragon books. It was The Rowan. Because it had pretty cover art. Then it had a sex scene in it. I was titillated by that book and still love it even though I realize that it, and it's sequels Damia, Damia's Children, Lyon's Pride, and The Tower and the Hive are not good books at all.

47. When I was in middle school, I got really into Greek/Roman mythology. So much so that I knew who Ovid and Catullus and the like were before I studied Latin. I was also fascinated by the myth of Venus having risen from the severed testicles of Uranus.

48. I have spirituality, but not much of a religion. I don't have a name for my spirituality or a classification, and I really don't want one. It's just sort of "How Meg Understand the Universe-ism".

49. I want to be a great leader of some social movement, but feel that if I did, I could never publish a fiction novel under my own name because nobody would take my writing seriously if I did.

50. My most favoritest book as a kid was Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of Nimh. I liked it way better than the movie, because the movie had all sorts of stuff that wasn't in the book. The book is better. Also, it didn't make Mrs. Frisby look as dimwitted as the movie did. In the book, Mrs. Frisby is a smart, tough female.

51. One of my favorite TV shows when I was a kid was 20/20. I was in intellectual!love with Barbara Walters. I looked forward to it every Friday.

52. I had a Mulder shrine in my jewelry box in middle school. Yes. I just outgeeked you ALL. Bwaaah!

53. The best nachoes in the world are the ones my parents make. I am determined to learn the recipe before they expire so that I won't be left nacho-less for the rest of my life.

54. Recently, I've developed a need for nachoes and salsa. Especially at the movie. I've sworn off popcorn, but can't resist movie nachoes. NACHOES!

55. Speaking of nachoes, when I was a kid in McKenzie, we had a Mexican restaurant that never opened (people got deported before grand opening) called Nacho Mamas. It was replaced by various Save-A-Lots.

56. I am way too normal, I think.

57. I've been trying to write a novel since I was in 6th grade. I've succeeded in reaching the word limit several times. I've never finished one though. All novel attempts have been sci-fi/fantasy.

58. The first time I read one of Neil Gaiman's works and then saw his picture on the back of a book, I was like Yes. This is the guy for me. I want him!. Then I found out he was Married With Children. It was a low point.

59. I have a radio station in my head that plays my songs, but gets stuck on repeat a lot. Or on songs that I don't like. But mostly it's positive.

60. Sometimes I will randomly start dancing when bored when there's no music (ie, grocery store aisle while trying to make up my mind in front of the big rotel emporium) or when I'm talking. I don't know why. I just break out sometimes. Nothing big and fancy, just sometimes I start churning the butter or mixing the stew or whatever they call it. Hips move. I think it's the physical equivalent of muttering to myself. It's a thing.

61. I learned so much from TV as a child.

62. I've read about autism a lot, had it discussed in two classes, etc. I STILL don't understand what it is.

63. I wrote RPF way before there was RPF to speak of. I wrote Real People Fanfic about my church youth group. 30+ pages of it. It was a serious endevour. I poured my soul into it. Thank *GOD* nobody ever saw it.

64. I was once a very, very devout Methodist as a kid. I also was consumed by my youth group. I lived for it. People who know me now and didn't know me then don't really believe me when I say this.

65. I envy my younger self for being able to write long long stories or half-novels easily and quickly.

66. I've only run over ONE animal in my life. It was a squirrel. I was upset the entire drive home over that.

67. High school sucked, but part of me wonders if that was my own fault.

68. I dropped a lot of weight my freshman year in high school. People complimented me left and right. Only, I did it by taking gym class, then doing lots of sit ups and girl!push ups at home and drinking/eating nothing but Mountain Dew. And I WONDER why I have insulin issues.

69. I read T.S. Eliot's "Wasteland" all by myself in the back of my 10th grade Honors English class (taught by a woman who'd only taught the classes for those who needed "extra help" before that) and understood it pretty well. It was beautiful and like crack to me.

70. I once knew how to throw a perfect spiral with a football. I was good at it.

71. I once stapled my own thumb and was actually quite proud of myself because even though it bled a lot, I just took out the staple and nursed the thing 'til it quit. Didn't cry. Didn't need help.

72. The best stuff I ever learned was done while I was off by myself either a) in the back of the classroom or b) in a corner of the library somewhere

73. I learned about sex from a library book. And I'm not sure I didn't know a fair amount before that. I just don't ever recall anyone talking to me about it 'til high school when bad 80's hair Health Department Lady came to tell us "Sex is bad. You'll get pregnant and herpes. You'll get pregnant herpes!"

74. I can never get done cleaning my room, because when I do, it's like an archaeological dig. I find stuff that's been buried and presumed lost and then get sidetracked.

75. I was once such a polite kid that I asked permission to go to the bathroom and get sick. I didn't make it and puked right in front of the desk of a kid that I didn't like anyway.

76. I didn't actually listen to modern, to-the-day music 'til later in my childhood. My first real record was a semi-old copy of Michael Jackson's Thriller album. But my favorites were (circa 5th grade): Simon & Garfunkel, Kansas, Journey, Ray Stevens, and that one Eric Clapton song. How weird was I?

77. My first actual "of the minute" music fannage was of Ace of Base.

78. I look back at my childhood and realize that it was pretty impossible that I WOULDN'T be at least somewhat bisexual. I'm shocked I'm not a lesbian. Because I had major crushes on girls, I just didn't know they were crushes because they lacked the deeply sexualized elements that infatuations I had with boys had. All, however, were more emotional for me and had semi-spiritual components to go with them.

79. I always thought my sister's room was more interesting than mine. And whenever I snuck into her room, I managed to do some damage (spilling nail polish on floor, breaking something, etc).

80. My mom dragged me to weight watchers when I was 10. I have never really forgiven her for this, because *dude*. There's something drastically creepy and not right about being 10 in a room of middle-aged women griping about their weight and saying "I just had a baby, and I can't drop the weight". Because you feel guilty and you're like, "I wish I had an excuse to be fat".

81. I heard a statistic once on how much girls cry versus how much boys cry. Guess where my percentages of crying fell? With the boys.

82. I can't help it. Men crying either looks a) extremely appealing and love-inducing or b) frelling weird. It's societal programming. I'll get around to rewiring myself sometime.

83. I'm considering swearing off alcohol as a whole, because I don't really like it and I don't want to ever discover the joys of substance abuse.

84. I have also kept away from drugs for this reason. And because I don't really know where to get them. I'm glad I don't. I like not knowing.

85. The only time I ever wanted to commit suicide was out of sheer curiosity about death. And then, I only THOUGHT about it. I've never wanted to do it to end my life. I've never tried it.

86. I'd give anything to have pretty hands or at least fingers that aren't so fat.

87. I think every family should have GOOD rituals (like every Friday night being movie night or something). Because when you're a kid, it really helps to have GOOD structure. Not just "aw man, I gotta do something I hate on a regular basis" structure.

88. I got really confused about the year in Kindergarden because my teacher said it was New Year's in October. I now realize WHY she said that. But she didn't mention that it was New Year's for only a certain set of people (or I didn't catch that part) and it wasn't actually the next calendar year yet. And it was even more confusing when the big calendars for each month that were on the wall had NEW YEARS marked on the January month.

89. Whenever I get nauseous, I'd rather go on and puke. Because even though vomiting kinda hurts, like 10 seconds after it's over you *feel* better. I don't know if it's endorphins or just the antiperistaltic waves stopping, but afterwards you're like "whew, that's over". Or I am, at least.

90. I have anxieties about leaving college, but don't want to stay in college.

91. I tend to shout strange things when I get excited. Like "marry me and be my love monkey!".

92. I'm the opposite of stoic. I'm the anti-stoic. I would make stoics stand there and look vaguely constipated.

93. One day I'm going to start a publishing house and just publish stuff that I personally like and reprint stuff that I didn't think got enough love the first time around.

94. I have no problem with people who defy the law on principal because they have an ideal. I have issues with those who defy the law because they don't give a crap.

95. I don't mind friendly, respectful discussion/debate with people who disagree with me. I just don't like people who are incapable of that because they can't be nice or don't have brain cells.

96. It takes a lot of work to like me in real life, I think. On the long term at least. Like fish and house guests, I probably start to annoy about 3 days in. I'm okay with this.

97. All my best friends (save one) came from the internet. I am not ashamed of this. I hate people who claim you can't get to know someone from the 'net. Sure you can. And you can also not be a dumbass and go meet someone you only know as HotGuy992782 in a dark alley.

98. I am fairly lazy. I feel bad about being lazy. But I also have lots of ready made excuses as to why I deserve to get to be lazy to balance out my mental health.

99. I sleep. A lot. I love sleeping a lot.

100. I may just have to be buried in my queer pride band. It's now part of my skin.

Comments

[fiction-theory.livejournal.com]

I TOTALLY am tagging you.

Also?

Your icon is a thing of glee for me!

- Meg

[daft-vaders.livejournal.com]

I dont think you know what you are saying Meg. Surely you already know I am at my wits end, and completing this 100 item meme would likely push me over the edge.

Would you like to be responsible for yet another Jedi turning to the Dark Side?

Mwahahahaha ;)