Random quotedump

[earthbelow]

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle. For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features. And when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his ass.
- daft_vaders


"This guy is so smart. He's so together. He knows where his towel is, you know?"
- denoue_moi


(computer making obnoxious morse-code sounds)"To all our ships at sea..." (computer then makes one long whine) "We're losing him! Clear!"
- Cool!boss at work


"We've wanted to go there, but we can't because it's not on South Beach"

"Well, yes it is. It's on Beach Boulevard, just right down -"

"The South Beach *diet*, mom."
- Gran and Mom (discussing a joint called 'Dick's Wings')