Everybody, come get your Whore Score
Wednesday, 26 July 2006 15:47![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
earthbelow
Something I heard to day (not divulging for privacy reason) made me start thinking about the idea of someone of being "a whore". What makes you a whore - if anything.
I really started parsing it out in my head.
Is it the number of men you've slept with? Is it the reasons you've slept with them? Is it a nice neat formula where you plug in the number and you rate the reason from a 1 (slept with them for money, drugs) to 10 (slept with them because they were my husband and we wanted to make babies as Jesus intended) and you get your slut number - no, better your Whore Score - and there you are.
Does the Whore Score go up if you've had sex or sexual contact with both sexes?
Does it go down if you're smarter or prettier or more famous than the rest of us?
Can you sleep with 100 guys, but if you always did it for the "right" reason, are you just really lucky? Can you sleep with two or three for the wrong ones and be a whore?
Does the label last forever? Can you work it off or take points off for good behavior off your Whore Score like it was your driver's license? When you're 80, do you still get judged by the 10 or 20 or 50 people you slept with when you were in your twenties and thirties?
I think I'm changing my definition of "whore". I think I'm now changing it to a word that means absolutely nothing because nobody can tell me where it comes from or why we need it. Why do we need to know who's sexually good and sexually bad?
And it pisses me off to no end that on shows like "Sex in the City", those women sleep with an astonishing number of men. Yet, try that in real life and you're the office slut. No, really. Go out and sleep with as many men as, say, Samantha. Or if you're timid, try one of the other three characters. Brag about it. See how many people look at you like you're *filthy*.
Only way out of this problem I see is to just decide that there's no such thing as a whore or that your sexual activities somehow define your worth as a person. There are no whores. There are no sluts. There are only people. People who maybe are using sex to get something, who maybe just want to be touched, who maybe don't know better, who maybe don't know what their options are, who maybe don't believe they can do any better.
But a slut?
No such thing.
So, maybe next time you have the urge to say "that person's such a slut" or "wow, that person has slept with everyone, the whore", you could refrain.
Instead you could ask yourself the question, "Does it really matter how many people that person has been with?"
And if you answer yes, take a long, hard think about *why* it matters. Because I think you'll find it really doesn't. Not in the grand scheme of things.
I really started parsing it out in my head.
Is it the number of men you've slept with? Is it the reasons you've slept with them? Is it a nice neat formula where you plug in the number and you rate the reason from a 1 (slept with them for money, drugs) to 10 (slept with them because they were my husband and we wanted to make babies as Jesus intended) and you get your slut number - no, better your Whore Score - and there you are.
Does the Whore Score go up if you've had sex or sexual contact with both sexes?
Does it go down if you're smarter or prettier or more famous than the rest of us?
Can you sleep with 100 guys, but if you always did it for the "right" reason, are you just really lucky? Can you sleep with two or three for the wrong ones and be a whore?
Does the label last forever? Can you work it off or take points off for good behavior off your Whore Score like it was your driver's license? When you're 80, do you still get judged by the 10 or 20 or 50 people you slept with when you were in your twenties and thirties?
I think I'm changing my definition of "whore". I think I'm now changing it to a word that means absolutely nothing because nobody can tell me where it comes from or why we need it. Why do we need to know who's sexually good and sexually bad?
And it pisses me off to no end that on shows like "Sex in the City", those women sleep with an astonishing number of men. Yet, try that in real life and you're the office slut. No, really. Go out and sleep with as many men as, say, Samantha. Or if you're timid, try one of the other three characters. Brag about it. See how many people look at you like you're *filthy*.
Only way out of this problem I see is to just decide that there's no such thing as a whore or that your sexual activities somehow define your worth as a person. There are no whores. There are no sluts. There are only people. People who maybe are using sex to get something, who maybe just want to be touched, who maybe don't know better, who maybe don't know what their options are, who maybe don't believe they can do any better.
But a slut?
No such thing.
So, maybe next time you have the urge to say "that person's such a slut" or "wow, that person has slept with everyone, the whore", you could refrain.
Instead you could ask yourself the question, "Does it really matter how many people that person has been with?"
And if you answer yes, take a long, hard think about *why* it matters. Because I think you'll find it really doesn't. Not in the grand scheme of things.
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no subject
Date: 26 Jul 2006 20:40 (UTC)because you're right. it doesn't matter how many people you've been with (or not been with) or why you were with them. whatever the reasons, it's made that person who they are today, and if someone likes that person just as they are, then who is anyone to judge?
i used to say "whores get paid, sluts do it for free, therefore i'm a slut." but really... does it matter? i might be "easier" than another girl, but does that somehow make me a bad person? does that reflect on my character? i really don't see how it does. i mean, sure, it might make me a bit more fun at a frat party (*gag*), but am i somehow less of a person because of it? i don't think so.
and if someone thinks i am less of a person because of it, or it somehow matters the number i end up with on my score card in the end.... well, then they're not the kind of person i want in my life in any capacity anyway. i am who (and what) i am, and i wouldn't be who i am if i'd taken a different path to get to this point.
no subject
Date: 27 Jul 2006 03:37 (UTC)Thanks.
i might be "easier" than another girl, but does that somehow make me a bad person
That's what I wish I knew. I mean. Okay, you (not you specifically, the big general you) have sex a lot. Does this make you immoral? Incapable of making competent decisions in other parts of your life?
Hey, I technically gave it up on the first date. As far as the Whore Score goes, that's a five point bonus.
no subject
Date: 27 Jul 2006 11:15 (UTC)heh.
but i know what you mean. i don't think that it's possible that if i'm a concerned person, and always looking out for others, and always making sure the "little guy" doesn't get stomped on, and always trying to make the world a better place... and i happen to give it up on the first date... i'm somehow less of a person than some jackass biblehumper who waited till marriage to do the deed and who also thinks all gays should burn in hell and that AIDS is "gods answer to homosexuality" or whatever and beats puppies (and his wife) on the weekens.
how can i *possibly* be immoral (with respect to sex) when i'm quite conscious of what i'm doing and everyone involved is a consenting adult?
no subject
Date: 27 Jul 2006 20:33 (UTC)Good damn question.
I guess my only condition on this is that everyone be an informed, consenting adult. And people should take care of themselves - should get checked out for STD's, take care of their bodies. I think when someone knowingly spreads a disease, it becomes a different story. But that's the same as giving someone arsenic as far as I'm concerned, and it more about poisoning than sex.
Still, when two consenting adults in good faith have a sexual interaction, there's no immorality to speak of.
I don't think that sleeping with people - especially when you take precautions and everyone is consenting can in anyway be construed as immoral, no matter HOW much you do it.
The short form: Word, sister. Word.
no subject
Date: 27 Jul 2006 01:11 (UTC)I think it all comes down to patriarchal hegemony, and the basic truth that chauvinism stems from a deep fear of the female body -so for years, the paragon of female sexual behaviour has been "lie back and think of England," and any woman who actually appears to *enjoy* sex is seen as some kind of mutant...
Sorry, I'm kind of drunk and ranty.
no subject
Date: 27 Jul 2006 03:31 (UTC)Notice we really don't even have a word for it. I suppose "philanderer" is one, but not a word with the same kind of punch and social connotations as "whore" or "slut".
the paragon of female sexual behaviour has been "lie back and think of England,"
Wouldn't thinking of England just make things worse? *ducks*
Also, it makes me think of a line from Will & Grace. "You'll do what any other self respecting woman does - lay back, point your heels to Jesus and think of handbags!"
I think it all comes down to patriarchal hegemony, and the basic truth that chauvinism stems from a deep fear of the female body
I'm not sure why men are so afraid of women's bodies. Seeing as how a) we all come from one and b) they're quite nice and c) who the frell is whacked out enough to be scared of boobs?
Anyway, I ♥ your brain even when you're drunk and ranty.
no subject
Date: 27 Jul 2006 02:24 (UTC)no subject
Date: 27 Jul 2006 03:34 (UTC)True, it is a sad thing to see. I guess I just kind of don't want to judge. Because I'm sort of lucky. I had a lot of breaks. And I mean, I could just as easily have made a mistake back in high school and things could've gone wrong and my life could be in an abysmal place and I'd be doing the same thing.
Nobody can say for sure what they'd be like in different circumstances.
Maybe that same person, if they'd been born in my situation, would do even better than I have.
no subject
Date: 27 Jul 2006 11:21 (UTC)at what point has someone slept with "too many" people? i'm mostly just curiouis to know what others who have an opinion about this think. like, is 5 too many? 25? does the acceptable go up based on age? or down based on marital status?
it seems kind of subjective to me. like, the antisocial person who never gets out is somehow luckier (better?) in that department just because they don't/can't get out, but someone who does end up with sexual partners is not as good of a person, just because they've been able to connect with people on that level, when really that antisocial person may have slept with more than the non-antisocial person if given the opportunity, so it's a situational thing. (which leads to me wondering if someone could be a so-called slut because they *want* to be one, not because they've had the fortune/misfortune of actually hooking up... but that's another question entirely and not related to my reasons for posting here.)
anyhow. like i said, i'm not looking to hijack. or cause drama. i just wondered if you'd talk more about when it's "too many" partners.
no subject
Date: 27 Jul 2006 12:21 (UTC)I don't care to answer you further.
no subject
Date: 1 Aug 2006 12:29 (UTC)Personally, I'm sad that I have only slept with 6 people in my entire life. It's not nearly enough GOOD sex and I wish I could have the guts to go out there and have more sex, good sex with nice people. :)
Cause sex is having fun, it CAN be about love but doesn't have to be.
Sex is, I think, a drive, an urge that we have and we need to satisfy from time to time.