Hiding out in the Meg!cave

[earthbelow]

I called into work today because I'm feeling about ten different types of crappy. Physically and psychologically.

I feel very sick and last night I woke up in the middle of a panic attack that lasted about three hours and was about a 10 on the richter scale of panic attacks. Uncontrollable shaking, crying, fear of dying and losing my mind all combined with severe stomach pains. I was *this* close to telling Andrew to call 911 because I felt like I couldn't breathe, couldn't think.

I think what triggered it was that I sort of woke up in the middle of a dream and sometimes when I dream, I'm not completely myself and I realized that I was kind of awake but I didn't know if I was me and I started thinking as though I was the person I was dreaming about.

And I have a very, very strong phobia of becoming schizophrenic or in any other way losing my ability to stay in contact with reality. The idea of becoming psychotic and suddenly not being myself anymore terrifies me.

Not that I was that much better off last night.

It also may or may not have had to do with my blood sugar crashing.

All I know is that it was far more traumatic and terrifying than when I got into a car accident, was slammed into by another car going 70 MPH and got to sit around looking at my own foot bones sticking out of my foot.

I cannot even think of what I'd do if I had to deal with other people or work or society today. So far I've kept afloat by sleeping a lot (because I was too scared to sleep until about 3am last night) and watching The Presidents on DVD and House episodes.

I'm wondering if it's something I need to tell a doctor about.

Comments

[denoue-moi.livejournal.com]

Poor Meg. Maybe talking to a doc and obtaining a xanax or klonopin prescription to have on hand in case of panic attacks might not be a bad idea.

That way, you could just take something when you need it and not be on something every day.

Poor Meg! Hate that you have to deal with this crap.

[celticcowboy68.livejournal.com]

"Uncontrollable shaking, crying, fear of dying and losing my mind all combined with severe stomach pains. I was *this* close to telling Andrew to call 911 because I felt like I couldn't breathe, couldn't think."

"I'm wondering if it's something I need to tell a doctor about."

Yes. Dammit.

[tptigger.livejournal.com]

::hugs;:

[br0ken_dolly]

i actually did take my exgf to the ER one night for behaving like you're describing you felt last night. andrew can tell you all about it i'm sure, but i will preface his story by clarifying that you are a far more articulate than she is and you are in a much better place than she is emotionally, so you have a lot of options that, yes, you really should talk to a doctor about. preferably a doctor who knows about your whole medical history, because yes, also, blood sugar can have a HUGE huge HUGE impact on anxiety and stuff. as can anemia. (and *dave* can tell you all kindsa stories about dealing with his exwife's anemia-induced anxiety and emotional issues.)

blood chemistry and hormones can really screw a person up! i hope you're feeling better now and you can get stuff squared away. i know it's no fun.