She's gone.
Friday, 2 June 2006 22:30![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
earthbelow
I drowned my sorrows in ice cream with my mom. Tried seem happy.
She won't be there on Monday. She won't be there ever again.
And I never realized just how much of my job I put up with just because I liked her so much. Until today, when I realized that the only reason I stayed 20 minutes later was because of her.
Because it meant something to me that she got everything done she wanted to on her last day.
Maybe it's melodramatic, but I kinda loved her. And if I'd been brave, on my way out the door, I would've kissed her. Or at least hugged her.
She made 20+ hours of my life a week *bearable*. Occasionally *fun*.
I looked at the phone extension list on the wall by my desk. I crossed out all the names of people who were gone. After over a year and a half, you do kinda make friends. And I hate seeing people go.
But eventually, someone'll cross out my name.
Feels like this part of my life is starting to fall away piece by piece.
Also? I turned in my graduation application today. And as eager as I am to graduate, I'm still just the tiniest bit scared.
I never *not* been in school. I have been in school since 1989. I have been in school 17 years.
What do you do when you're not in school? Do you just sort of shuffle around and try to find work and pay bills until you die?
Feels like going from the kiddie pool to the middle of Pacific Ocean.
She won't be there on Monday. She won't be there ever again.
And I never realized just how much of my job I put up with just because I liked her so much. Until today, when I realized that the only reason I stayed 20 minutes later was because of her.
Because it meant something to me that she got everything done she wanted to on her last day.
Maybe it's melodramatic, but I kinda loved her. And if I'd been brave, on my way out the door, I would've kissed her. Or at least hugged her.
She made 20+ hours of my life a week *bearable*. Occasionally *fun*.
I looked at the phone extension list on the wall by my desk. I crossed out all the names of people who were gone. After over a year and a half, you do kinda make friends. And I hate seeing people go.
But eventually, someone'll cross out my name.
Feels like this part of my life is starting to fall away piece by piece.
Also? I turned in my graduation application today. And as eager as I am to graduate, I'm still just the tiniest bit scared.
I never *not* been in school. I have been in school since 1989. I have been in school 17 years.
What do you do when you're not in school? Do you just sort of shuffle around and try to find work and pay bills until you die?
Feels like going from the kiddie pool to the middle of Pacific Ocean.
no subject
Date: 3 Jun 2006 15:35 (UTC)anyhow. there's more out there. it's not all just school. it's having *free time* you know? you work 40 hrs a week (give or take) but you don't have to take your work home with you, like school/homework! you have time to play with teh manfriend in the evenings or whatever. you can take off and play on a weekend and not worry about your homework not getting done. volunteer work. just chilling out and relaxing for once. *really* relaxing. it's really quite liberating i think ;)
but i agree. also terrifying. i threw myself into grad school so i wouldn't have to deal with the real world. (*that* ended up being a dumb idea for me.) but really, once i got into the real world, it was much better than i imagined.
so, yes. scary. but worth it. :)
good luck :)
no subject
Date: 4 Jun 2006 02:24 (UTC)I'm glad you friended me. :)