She's gone.

[earthbelow]

I drowned my sorrows in ice cream with my mom. Tried seem happy.

She won't be there on Monday. She won't be there ever again.

And I never realized just how much of my job I put up with just because I liked her so much. Until today, when I realized that the only reason I stayed 20 minutes later was because of her.

Because it meant something to me that she got everything done she wanted to on her last day.

Maybe it's melodramatic, but I kinda loved her. And if I'd been brave, on my way out the door, I would've kissed her. Or at least hugged her.

She made 20+ hours of my life a week *bearable*. Occasionally *fun*.

I looked at the phone extension list on the wall by my desk. I crossed out all the names of people who were gone. After over a year and a half, you do kinda make friends. And I hate seeing people go.

But eventually, someone'll cross out my name.

Feels like this part of my life is starting to fall away piece by piece.

Also? I turned in my graduation application today. And as eager as I am to graduate, I'm still just the tiniest bit scared.

I never *not* been in school. I have been in school since 1989. I have been in school 17 years.

What do you do when you're not in school? Do you just sort of shuffle around and try to find work and pay bills until you die?

Feels like going from the kiddie pool to the middle of Pacific Ocean.

Comments

[br0ken_dolly]

not being in school is kind of a crazy shock to the system, i think. a lot of people *do* just work and pay bills (and work and pay bills) until you die. (that *had* to be a major source of a breakdown i had a few yrs ago ;p)

anyhow. there's more out there. it's not all just school. it's having *free time* you know? you work 40 hrs a week (give or take) but you don't have to take your work home with you, like school/homework! you have time to play with teh manfriend in the evenings or whatever. you can take off and play on a weekend and not worry about your homework not getting done. volunteer work. just chilling out and relaxing for once. *really* relaxing. it's really quite liberating i think ;)

but i agree. also terrifying. i threw myself into grad school so i wouldn't have to deal with the real world. (*that* ended up being a dumb idea for me.) but really, once i got into the real world, it was much better than i imagined.

so, yes. scary. but worth it. :)

good luck :)

[thousandpages.livejournal.com]

That's a lot of good stuff to think about. And thanks for the well wishes.

I'm glad you friended me. :)

[flukeskywalker.livejournal.com]

I learnt a little more about you today

1 x transatlantic hug on its way

:(

[thousandpages.livejournal.com]

Aww, thanks.

[denoue-moi.livejournal.com]

I got that feeling when I graduated. Like, crap, what do I do now? You'll build a new life. You're going good places, and if my girlfriend has her way, you'll even have my company in NYC.

[captain-science.livejournal.com]

I don't know that I could handle BOTH of you in the same city. I think I will have my hands full with just Meg, but to turn the two of you loose on the Big Apple....I shudder to think of the terror THAT would unleash ;)

[denoue-moi.livejournal.com]

Haha You would have Lisa's help wrangling us. But still, yes. Today we destroy New York. Tomorrow - Tokyo. Sarah-zilla and Meg-thra.

[thousandpages.livejournal.com]

ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!

*MEG SMASH*!

(BTW, I just wanted to let you know both how much I love being surrounded by a coupla comedians!) :)

[denoue-moi.livejournal.com]

:D

[thousandpages.livejournal.com]

It would rock having you in the same city as me. Rock *so* hard.

And thanks for the moral support.

[denoue-moi.livejournal.com]

It would be good for you to be there. If I have to leave my family and all my other friends, at least I have Meg Family there. *clingy cloying hugs*

[captain-science.livejournal.com]

hugs from teh_boy...it really doesn't feel so weird till September when you see all the back to school adds and stuff and know you aren't going. That was the strangest part for me at least. And while it may be scary to move out of the kiddy pool at least in the Pacific Ocean you can be a pirate...Arrrrr...because pirates are cool. They have parrots and plunder treasure and get to drink all the time. Arrr....A yo ho ho its the pirate life for me....

um where where was I?...went into a pirate coma for a second?....oh yah....being out of school is also fun because you get to point and laugh at your still in school friends as they have to do homework and study for exams.

[thousandpages.livejournal.com]

went into a pirate coma for a second?....

Come and see the pirate inherent in the system.

being out of school is also fun because you get to point and laugh at your still in school friends as they have to do homework and study for exams.

Yeah, and I'm sure in no time I'll be like, "How the *frell* did I ever survive in school?". It's just what I do whenever life takes a major turn.

I remember my big panic when transitioning from high school to college was, "When the *frell* am I gonna know when to do things? Like eat lunch? Where's the cafeteria? When the *hell* is lunch time? Does anyone know where the sloppy joes are?"

*smoochies*

Thanks for being so understanding.