Confessions of a Fat Girl

[earthbelow]

After reading the manifesto over at fatshion_victim, I felt the need to make a post. Say something. Respond.



What really got to me about the manifesto is the fact that *finally* I heard somebody say "yeah, dressing in larger sizes IS different than dressing when you're a size 2."

Because it is. Despite Lane Bryant's attempts to the contrary, fat girls do *not* look the same in thin girl clothes (skinny jeans and bias cut skirts and the like) and a host of other clothes that are all the rage at the Anorexia and Fitch. You can wave your Size Acceptance flag all over the place, and you can pretend that you look as good as a supermodel when you wear their clothes.

But you *don't*. You really, really don't. Because you know what, you *physically* have a form that those supermodels don't.

At the same time, having a different form doesn't mean I have to hide it and do fashion penance and walk around with clothes that are like a public apology for being so hideous.

I have nothing to apologize for.

Being bigger than a supermodel or even bigger than a size 12 doesn't mean I have to wear muu-muus and hide my body because it's shameful. You wouldn't believe the grief, heartbreak, and sorrow it's taken me to be able to say this and believe it.

I, like just about every other big girl, has gotten that lesson handed down to me by friends, family, and others.

For my entire childhood, it was made pretty damn clear to me that my body was *bad*. It was repulsive, shameful, and clothes shopping was like some kind of punishment that I had to go through every single time we did it. It was made clear to me that I should cover up as much as possible, because the less of my body people saw, the better.

It was made clear to me that I was ugly, and that clothes were not fun. And trust me, if you want to feel excluded from the entirety of the female gender in an American school, not being able to follow fashion trends is a good way to do it. I never got to feel like a kid or a girl or even a worthwhile human being because I never got to dress like one. I never got to feel pretty.

So when people write those kinds of manifestos, it hits close to home for me. I know it sound so stupid from an objective point of view. Clothes are just clothes, right?

But clothes make the freaking person. For better or worse, especially in social situations, what you look like determines your place in life.

It took me a long time to figure out that my body is *not* shameful. But it's not Kate Moss's body, either. It deserves its *own* style, a style that works with it instead of trying to make it work with the style.

So no, I'm not going to be wearing skinny jeans any time soon. But that doesn't mean I can't look really, really good. Sexy. Hot. Beautiful. Gorgeous. Professional. Smart.

It doesn't mean I can't feel pretty. Because I don't think Kate Moss of the nearly nonexistant tits and the flatline heroin-chic body could pull off the curve flattering, figure forming clothes that fat girls do.

Comments

[denoue-moi.livejournal.com]

Girl, Lane Bryant makes me insane. I get those catalogs from time to time and the models are tiny. I wonder to myself, what would that top look like if she had some ta-tas. Would those pants still look okay if she had a booty? Torrid.com is better. Some of their stuff I wouldn't wear to a dogfight, but at least their models look like the people who would buy their clothes. And you know one thing big girls look better in than skinny chicks? Low cut tops. Bustiers. With our softness just spilling out of the top.

You know what I think about skinny jeans? It makes even small girls look like crap. I say let's stick to our flares and bootcuts and tell the fashion world to eat our asses with wooden spoons!

I still wear my flare leg jeans everywhere. And they're too long. And I love them. I remember shopping for clothes. Pants was the absolute worst. They would be too short in the legs. They would be major high rise in the belly. They would be too tight because I didn't want to wear a 14 (this was a few years ago lol) and they'd leave red marks on my belly. They'd make me look worse. And I'd be crushed looking at myself in the mirror and the lighting was so ugly. I didn't realize it then, but my friend was feeling the same way as she slipped on her size 7s. I guess no one's happy. We have to just be rebels and be happy.

[br0ken_dolly]

ugh. i don't even know where to begin. and i just have a few minutes before work so i won't say too much. :)

buying clothes *was* like a big punishment when i was a kid. and it was always done at the cheap department stores that never properly served the big girl customers, and i'd be left buying jeans that were too tight or didn't fit right, bras that were *all* wrong (i'd never been fitted before)...etc. etc. i was this fashion nightmare until i was 15 or so, when i just stopped caring (and the seattle sub-pop/alternative scene hit new england) and started doing my own thing, modifying random pieces of clothing for my own style, or just making shit of my own.

i hate how so much stuff out there is supposedly "plus-size" or plus-friendly, and it's not. it's marketed by and for skinny chicks and they happen to have some random poorly-made shit for a few "extended" sizes to help out. i think the comment above mentions the lane bryant catalogue-- but that's not even associated with the lane bryant store! it's scary nasty clothing and just hideous. and the lane bryant store in the last year or two has been nearly worthless. the seven7 jeans were at least a nice addition, but those aren't available in all of the sizes the rest of their stuff is, so even in a store that was somewhat not as limiting as other stores-- they've started being restrictive. even the fat stores discriminate? wtf? sometimes i feel like i'm over a barrel because i can't get away from going to stores like this when they're one of the few suppliers of stuff that actually works. (LB bras, for example, are among the few that i can get to fit more often than not.)

some stores seem to be waking up, and there's a big market out there for smaller stores/individuals to design their own stuff and sell via ebay and the like. i'm happy that old navy's plus section is somewhat improving (they're good for generic babydoll tees and jeans, though not a lot else in my opinion), but... but you can't even go into many old navy stores and see the shit for yourself. fatgirl stuff is only sold at a few locations.

i don't know. still a long way to go before i won't be sickened by walking into the mall and seeing 5-7-9, petite sophisticate, express and gap all showing you their ribby flat-chested skinnygirl shit.

so that was my fucking fashion rant.

as far as body perception goes... i have to say a lot of what you said hit close to home (i posted about it, so i won't repeat it here for strangers to read). i'm glad you posted all of this, though. thanks.

[br0ken_dolly]

ps: a lot of fat girls are angry about all of this. i think there's more rage and activism about it nowadays, and that will help even the score a bit. a friend of mine locally here is working on starting a fat burlesque troupe (for all genders). i think it'll be fabulous and positive. small steps, i guess.

[washable.livejournal.com]

Skinny jeans are overrated anyways.

[the-tatyana.livejournal.com]

There's still not much out there for plus size girls. And good luck if you're 30/32 or bigger. I was down to 2 stores - Avenue and Catherines. I was afraid to order online because the clothes usually were cut too small or fit like tents. Ug...

My favorite (and pretties & most flattering) clothes were custom-made for me by a local seamstress. But my question is... if she could make things to flatter my curves, why can't the plus-size stores?!