Confessions of a Fat Girl

[earthbelow]

After reading the manifesto over at fatshion_victim, I felt the need to make a post. Say something. Respond.



What really got to me about the manifesto is the fact that *finally* I heard somebody say "yeah, dressing in larger sizes IS different than dressing when you're a size 2."

Because it is. Despite Lane Bryant's attempts to the contrary, fat girls do *not* look the same in thin girl clothes (skinny jeans and bias cut skirts and the like) and a host of other clothes that are all the rage at the Anorexia and Fitch. You can wave your Size Acceptance flag all over the place, and you can pretend that you look as good as a supermodel when you wear their clothes.

But you *don't*. You really, really don't. Because you know what, you *physically* have a form that those supermodels don't.

At the same time, having a different form doesn't mean I have to hide it and do fashion penance and walk around with clothes that are like a public apology for being so hideous.

I have nothing to apologize for.

Being bigger than a supermodel or even bigger than a size 12 doesn't mean I have to wear muu-muus and hide my body because it's shameful. You wouldn't believe the grief, heartbreak, and sorrow it's taken me to be able to say this and believe it.

I, like just about every other big girl, has gotten that lesson handed down to me by friends, family, and others.

For my entire childhood, it was made pretty damn clear to me that my body was *bad*. It was repulsive, shameful, and clothes shopping was like some kind of punishment that I had to go through every single time we did it. It was made clear to me that I should cover up as much as possible, because the less of my body people saw, the better.

It was made clear to me that I was ugly, and that clothes were not fun. And trust me, if you want to feel excluded from the entirety of the female gender in an American school, not being able to follow fashion trends is a good way to do it. I never got to feel like a kid or a girl or even a worthwhile human being because I never got to dress like one. I never got to feel pretty.

So when people write those kinds of manifestos, it hits close to home for me. I know it sound so stupid from an objective point of view. Clothes are just clothes, right?

But clothes make the freaking person. For better or worse, especially in social situations, what you look like determines your place in life.

It took me a long time to figure out that my body is *not* shameful. But it's not Kate Moss's body, either. It deserves its *own* style, a style that works with it instead of trying to make it work with the style.

So no, I'm not going to be wearing skinny jeans any time soon. But that doesn't mean I can't look really, really good. Sexy. Hot. Beautiful. Gorgeous. Professional. Smart.

It doesn't mean I can't feel pretty. Because I don't think Kate Moss of the nearly nonexistant tits and the flatline heroin-chic body could pull off the curve flattering, figure forming clothes that fat girls do.

Comments

[br0ken_dolly]

ps: a lot of fat girls are angry about all of this. i think there's more rage and activism about it nowadays, and that will help even the score a bit. a friend of mine locally here is working on starting a fat burlesque troupe (for all genders). i think it'll be fabulous and positive. small steps, i guess.