earthbelow: (mood: sad/blah)
In the wake of this family drama, I've really started contemplating on how much better my life is as an adult than when I was child, and I thought I'd make a list of things I no longer have to put up with now that I am an adult:

33 reasons that adulthood is actually, WAY, WAY BETTER )

(no subject)

Saturday, 22 August 2009 18:36
earthbelow: (kitteh_iz_ded)
I'm feeling mentally a little better since Andrew and I went to see his sister for her birthday, going out for a movie and a late lunch/early dinner. Positive human interaction helps a lot.

We saw Inglorious Basterds. It's your typical overly-violent, very odd Tarantino film. It didn't require a lot of brain cells or thinking and was very violent and too long because Tarantino has never heard of editing. Some of the goriest part were too much for me to handle and I covered my eyes/ears because I was kind of in a very triggery state.

If blood, beatings, and gore aren't really anything you can handle, skip it.

I wish a movie I actually felt like seeing would come out soon. I think Amelia might be nice, and I like Christopher Eccleston (he's my favorite actor) even though he seems to just be appearing in crap films now a days, which is sad. Because the man actually knows how to act. He just apparently doesn't know how to pick scripts.

I think I'm getting a kidney infection. I feel run down and my back hurts in a very specific way. I'm drinking just water and cranberry juice. I really hope that it's not a kidney infection. I just don't need that right now.

(no subject)

Friday, 31 July 2009 07:55
earthbelow: (Default)
Dear Nightly News and The CDC,

You fail at responsible journalism and health statistics, respectively. I watched ABC Nightly News' report on "The Cost of Obesity", in which they stated that "obesity related health care" costs on the order of over a $140 billion dollars a year.

This is for the fail, and let me tell you why.

1. The CDC does not actually know which diseases are obesity-related and which are not. What they are really calculating is the cost of healthcare for obese people, and since 2/3rds of the American population classify as "overweight" or "obese" under their guidelines, they are calculating that it took $140 billion to care for 2/3rds of the population.

2. They assume that every disease an obese person gets is related to their obesity. This is patently untrue. I am not denying that there are conditions which are affected by weight. There certainly are. But there are also a lot of conditions, many of which get counted under the obesity umbrella, that medically aren't tied into a person's weight. There are also conditions caused by other factors. Smoking, for instance. If someone is obese and a smoker and has high blood pressure and cardiac problems, counting both of those strictly as "obesity-related" is stupid. There's no way to know whether it's because of the obesity or because of the six packs of Marlboros a day.

3. I don't see the CDC studying the diseases that thin people do or do not get. Is the rate of heart failure, high blood pressure, and diabetes really that much lower in the "thin" population? Because studies are not being done on thin people, only fat people. I would wager that it is not actually all that much lower, but that thin people are given access to treatments and proper medical attention that fat people are not, thus their conditions do not become chronic. Whereas a fat person with the same complaint may only be told to "go hit the treadmill, fatty" instead of being given medical treatment.

4. This report does nothing useful to help people better understand healthcare, their bodies, or obesity. Yes, the healthcare costs are high, but much of that does not actually even go towards patient treatment. Spending does not equal treatment. A lot of that money eaten up by other non-medical factors. Nor do they factor in that a lot of obese people aren't getting any medical treatment, either because they don't have access to it, or they don't get it from their doctors. I don't think that the one time I managed to get in to see a doctor who sat me down and told me how fat I was for an hour should count towards that total. Especially when the cost of that visit wasn't in treating me, it was in paying the doctor for his oh-so-unhelpful lecture. I never actually received any treatment.

5. This report does not specify who counts as obese, or as "people". Is healthcare spending on children included, because we do spend more on children's healthcare. Not due to obesity, but because people actually seem to care whether a child can see a doctor. Never mind if the parents can, or childless adults can. As long as the children can. See above: SPENDING DOES NOT EQUAL TREATMENT GIVEN.

6. This report does not specify what counts as a healthcare cost. Is it just the cost of prescriptions, treatment's, and doctor's visits or are you including the salaries of doctors and nurses as well as the cost of running hospitals. I don't think obese people should be held responsible because doctors are demanding to be paid more, have to raise prices because of malpractice insurance, and pharmaceuticals are expensive. That hikes up the cost of everyone's healthcare, and isn't caused by anyone weight. Fat people aren't making the cost of malpractice insurance rise, I promise you.

7. The cost of healthcare for thin people was never mentioned. Funny how that works. Maybe because the number isn't that much lower?

8. This report does not state who is doing this spending. Because much of that number comes from the out-of-pocket costs that fat people themselves are paying because of a lousy healthcare system that treats them as subhuman.

9. The report does not state how much of this number goes into preventative care. It should. Because I think if we saw the amazingly low amount being spent on preventing diseases through regular doctor's visits and affordable healthcare, people might not be inclined to feel that "the fatties are bringing down the healthcare system".

10. The report was inflammatory without being informative. The inclusion of "headless fatties" and mention of the number in the "struggling healthcare system" can only be meant to encourage prejudice against fat people rather than responsibly disseminate information.

In conclusion, you suck. You just added to all the prejudice, hatred, and mistreatment that fat people are getting in this country. And for what? For nothing. For a lousy two minute fluff piece.

Thanks for making things worse than they were, ABC News and the CDC. You two stay class.

No Love,
earthbelow: (satchel)
I think I may owe my fat ass an apology for my last entry.

The scales today show neither a gain nor a loss, and considering what I ate over the weekend, that's better than I ever could have hoped for. Also? It gives me hopes that I'll see a continuing downward trend this week.

Discussion of weight and why I'm talking about it so much lately. )

Which is why I need to talk about this subject a lot. And if it's getting bothersome for folks, or triggering anyone who may have eating disorders (I know a couple of people on my list have struggled with anorexia/bulimia), or if it's just plain old annoying, let me know and I'll filter it for anyone who wants in. Because I don't want this to become overwhelming.

I promise, I'm doing other things in my life! It's just that my writing is over at [ profile] fiction_theory and all my fannish stuff is over at [ profile] sage_theory and since I'm still unemployed (*grumble grumble fuckin' economy*), this is the big Personal Life Issue for me right now.

But I just want you to know that I'm okay. Or, well, I will be. And your support definitely helps a lot, and knowing that people out there are willing to listen and comment and even just say, "Good luck" or "keep trying!" really does do a world of good.

(no subject)

Friday, 22 May 2009 09:34
earthbelow: (kitteh_iz_ded)
I'd love to go out and get my morning exercise. But that would require me to be able to breathe, which I can't do. I'm not sure what it is in the air that's making my sinuses launch a revolt, but I wish it would stop.

Also? I once read one of those Tylenol ads on the subway that said that pollen is worst from 5am to 10am in the morning, and that's bullshit. Because I get this stuff in the afternoons and at night, too. In fact, this current bout of allergies started at, as usual, three am.

There must be some kind of grass or flower that emits some kind of super pollen at 3am and wafts in through our window, because this now makes several nights where at precisely that time, I get up with my sinuses in overdrive.

So I guess I'll just have to settle for only getting an hour of exercise instead of an hour and a half like I've been doing.

On the plus side, the scales seem to indicate that there is less of me to go around. That's always good news.
earthbelow: (Default)
Okay, I'd like the opinion of my very learned, very wise f-list about this article here, because I happen to think that this woman is not so much writing about the neurological/genetic causes of anorexia and the impact it's had on her life as she is bragging about the fact that she's thin and can eat whatever she wants.

I also think her article is chock full of contradictions. She says:

For example, I am absolutely positive that the physiques of Kate Moss, Posh Spice, or any other convenient scapegoat had no more than a kernel’s worth of influence over my decision to live on raw broccoli and Swedish crispbread for most of my college years. This is what we’ve always been taught—Barbie makes us hate our bodies as girls, and some unholy alliance between the worlds of fashion, Hollywood, and advertising keep feeding the furnace well into womanhood, until we’re supposedly too old to care.

But then she goes on to say:

As a small child, I remember telling my mother that when I grew up I wanted to weigh 110 pounds, which was what the National Enquirer said Princess Diana weighed at her thinnest.

Am I the only one who thinks that this is completely illogical of her to claim? That she wasn't influenced by media culture and their obsession with utterly unrealistic bodies?

More under the cut, and some musings about the lack of education about health and nutrition in the United States. )

I'd also like to note how suspicious I find it that my comments on the article have mysteriously gotten lost but other comments were approved. Hmm. Maybe I should have read the invisible "No Fatties Allowed" sign before I commented.
earthbelow: (mood: sad/blah)
I would just like it known that I really, really fucking hate my body. I hate that I have to work out for an hour a day, eating no more than 1200 calories per day (most of that fruit and veggies) just to peel off one measely pound.

But should I dare to eat Easter dinner, I instantly gain three pounds back.

I am so fucking tired of my body. I am tired of how lousy it works. I am tired of how hideous it looks. I'm tired of the fact that it doesn't do anything right. I'm tired of how much maintenance it is, and how little that maintenance seems to mean in the long run. I'm tired of being told by my own sister that I should look into the lapband surgery because I'm so fat.

Come on. I've been working out for an hour a day for two weeks and then one weekend screws that completely up? You've got to be kidding me. That's not fair. How is that even right?

How is that these people on magazines say they can lose half their body weight just by walking thirty minutes a day, but I exercise for a goddamn hour and nothing. I'm eating nothing but salads and fruits and I'm getting really frustrated and I'm not sure what to do about it.
earthbelow: (kitteh_iz_ded)
I'm having one of those frustrating kind of days. First, because now it seems like apparently all the medical experts have decided that the 30 minutes a days for 4-5 days a week isn't enough. Now you need an hour of exercise per day to lose weight.

The idea of having to exercise for an hour kind of scares me. It's enough that my back and thighs are still functioning after the 40 minutes I'm already doing!

Meg and the Fat That Wouldn't Go Away. Part the Millionth. Cut because I'm sure my attempt to be less fat are probably boring the sweet lovely gobs off you by now. )

I gotta go do dishes before the Boy gets home. And I should actually post some of my gleeposts instead of just writing them down.
earthbelow: (kitteh_iz_ded)
We got our Wii fit yesterday from Amazon, and I'm psyched about it!

My adventures in Wii Fit Land, let me show you thems. Or: How I went from being 44 to 25 in ONE SINGLE DAY. Cut for people who could care less. )
earthbelow: (kitteh_iz_ded)
Next time I go see the doctor, when it comes time to renew the script for birth control, I'm going to ask for a different pill. I got switched to a monophasic pill from a triphasic one and now I'm noticing that I'm having cramps and ickiness during my period that I usually didn't.

When I was on the triphasic, I didn't cramps, fatigue, or bloating.

Now that I'm on the monophasic, it's like my uterus has gone on the offensive. With sherman tanks.

I have my suspicions that the nurse practitioner who put me on the monophasic did so because she misheard or misunderstood me when I said "orthoTRIcyclen" not because she had a deliberate reason.

Also? Oww. Invisible breast pain. Not so grate akshully.
earthbelow: (kitteh_iz_ded)
I believe this is a feeling that can only be described as "shit on a shingle". I've done a good job of keeping a small apple, some grape juice, and a little bit of Chex mix down without digestive system launching a bloody uprising the likes of which have not been seen since the French Revolution.

I woke up last night at midnight, then again half an hour later and realized that sleep was not happening. I had a migraine that would not quit, the epic kind of sinus problems that vascillated between epic stuffiness and breaking-of-the-snot-dam runniness. I got the shakes for no good reason and spent a couple of hours shivering but not being cold, and my stomach hurt to the point where the thought of anything but small sips of water was unthinkable.

I didn't get any sleep. I got out of bed at 12:45 or so, because I knew I'd be back and forth to the bathroom all night and there was no help for it and I didn't want to wake Andrew (because at least one of us still has a job to go to in the morning).

Very late night TV is both interesting and scary. Usually, when I get sick or can't sleep, I put on my copy of The Presidents that I have on DVD (yeah, it's the one from the History Channel). It makes me feel better to have neat little fifteen minute segments about the Presidents. I think my favorite is Andrew Jackson.

But I was too sick and shivering even to fish out the DVDs and put one in, so I stuck with TV for a while.

I watched Fresh Prince reruns, and realized that Will Smith was a little unrefined early in his career, perhaps too loud and brash (the way John Barrowman is and will always be), but nevertheless extremely charming. I saw a PSA with Barack Obama in it and felt better about life just seeing him on the TV encouraging Americans to volunteer for things.

Then I watched the last half of Attenborough's "The Life of Birds" on the PBS station. The birds that peck at their mates genital openings to make them eject the sperm of usurping suitors was both interesting and rather head-tilt inducing. After that, there was a program about the 17th century called "The Western Tradition", narrated by some guy with an accent that I couldn't puzzle out and which was wholly inaccurate and rather nonspecific. Had I not been so sick, I would have taken notes on all the things that were wrong about it, starting with their understanding of the reigns of Louis XIII and Louis XIV and the rise of absolutist monarchies in Europe at that time.

After that, there was a really quite good program on Thomas Jefferson, which was mostly accurate, though I think they may have put a rather forgiving coat of gloss over Jefferson's attitudes towards slavery, painting him as being more morally outraged by it than perhaps he actually was. Not to mention that they weirdly left out large bits of his relationship, politically and personally, with Adams and his time in Washington's cabinet, and sort of mentioned them and went on.

Then, when nothing was on, I put on The Presidents and it did make me feel better.

Still haven't slept, and I have been dragging ass epically all day, but at least I know I'll sleep well tonight, if only by virtue of exhaustion.

Death by exercise

Wednesday, 4 February 2009 14:21
earthbelow: (kitteh_iz_ded)

I asked my sister to send me any weightlifting exercise she might know of that would be helpful to me. Since my sister has a degree in exercise science and is going for her PhD in physical therapy, I figured she'd be the person who would know.

So I did them, on Monday. And rested on Tuesday, like she said - which I kind of *had* to because my legs hurt so much I couldn't walk straight. Ask Andrew about the penguin waddle I've been doing because bending my knees is kind of a no-no right now.

My legs are now so sore that I can barely get up or down to sit somewhere and they hurt so much the last two nights that I've hard time sleeping.

Last night was one of the worst I've ever had. I didn't even begin nodding off until 12 and then I woke up again at 2:45ish and didn't nod off again until after Andrew had left for work at 6:30 and then I woke once more at 7:15 and figured there was no use trying.

My legs got better after I did some walking around today and worked through the stiffness and the pain. What nobody ever tells you about pain is how terribly tedious it is.

All I know is nobody's going to have to rock me to sleep tonight, because I am dog tired.
earthbelow: (mood: sad/blah)
I've been working out with the Wii and my weights since the weather lately has not been conducive to my usual morning/walk jog, plus I wasn't getting the results I wanted.

I mean, when you only eat 1000-1200 calories and walk/jog three miles each morning and you're not losing a single pound, then you can rest assured that something isn't working.

But I'm not sure I'm getting the most out of my weights. I feel like the exercises I do with them (bicep curls, lunges, etc) aren't being done right, or maybe I'm not doing them enough. I'm not sure. I can't seem to find any references on the internet for weightlifting that aren't geared towards steroidally enhanced Ahnold wannabes.

If anyone knows of a good place to get information on this, please fire off a comment.

And now for the gnashing of teeth. It burns twenty calories and strengthens your jaw muscles. )

In conclusion: I need more help and information, but don't know where to get it and people who want to wrap everybody's weight issues up with a neat little bow of their intolerance and ignorance and come right over here and get my fat ass up their foot.
earthbelow: (monty python)
It's 18 degrees outside. Sweet skwered shishkabobs, that's cold. Which kind of puts the kabosh on my usual morning walk/jog. I'm dedicated, but I'm not that dedicated. Plus, I just don't have the kind of clothing that could keep me suitably warm. I'd freeze my ass off (literally), and I just don't think I could deal with an assectomy right now.

Besides I think I need to vary my exercising some more, since it doesn't seem to be having the results that I would like even though I'm walking three miles every morning and am planning on upping it to 3.5 and then 4 miles.

So, to that effect, I've begun using the free weights that Andrew got me for Christmas and wow my arms are super the sore. That also might be from the twenty minutes of intensive speed bowling on the Wii and the kamikaze boxing session.

You know, I think we could probably put a dent in America's "obesity epidemic" if we just handed out a bunch of Wii's. I swear, I work up more of a sweat and get my heart rate up faster with that thing than even walking.

In other news: my closet is clean. I sort of stood in front of it this morning and marveled at it. A clean closet. It's a rare and short lived creature, but still. It's freaking clean.
earthbelow: (kitteh_iz_ded)
I'm finally back home after being in Tennessee with my dad and stepmom and grandmother for a few days. Oddly enough, I had a better time with my father than my mother this year. Those who know my family situation will find this as strange as I do.

I'm done traveling for a while, thank goodness.

So Happy (Already Begun) New Year's! I hope that 2009 will be a spectacular year for all of you that brings the things you hope for and then a little extra.

As far as New Year's Resolutions, mine are pretty straightforward. Though I did achieve most of the resolutions I made last year )

Resolutions For 2009 and the ways I intend to achieve them )
earthbelow: (kitteh_iz_ded)
It's been raining all day, thus putting the kabosh on my morning exercise routine, which is outdoors.

Is it wrong that I'm more sweaty/out of breath from 35 minutes of vigorous exercise doing Wii Boxing and Wii Bowling than I usually am from my morning routine? Maybe I should step up my walk.

Actually, maybe I should. I'm not where I want to be, jogging wise. I still have a hard time going for any real length without stopping because for some reason, when I try to run, I'm fine for the first few feet, and then I start feeling exponentially heavier as I go along until I feel like I weight ten tons and almost can't carry my own weight and have to stop and resume walking.

I try to push myself farther, but sometimes it really does feel physically impossible. Do other people face this or is it just me?

Still, going for over ten rounds in the Wii Boxing game and only losing once is an accomplishment. I still haven't figured out how the hitting and punching works, so I basically just swing and move around a lot until the other guy goes down on the screen.

It's not very graceful, but it burns calories.
earthbelow: (pensive statue)
Dear People Who Make Sugar Free Things,

When you make an item that is sugar free, please try not to make it taste like crap. I know you may think you're doing good by having foods like that at all, but you're not.

It's actually really hard to adjust to having to eat different and have different medical concerns than normal, completely healthy people. It's overwhelming, depressing, and makes you feel like God hates you and wants you to be miserable as long as you live.

And you know what doesn't help? Having the food that's supposed to be for you taste like backwashed horse manure or worse. That's like you're saying, "Here you go, here's your punishment for having insulin issues. Enjoy the inflated price and the diarrhea afterwards!"

Nothing convinces diabetics and others who need sugar-free food to just give up and stop eating healthy like having nothing but shitty sugar free substitutes to look forward to for the rest of their lives. It's hard enough when you get a diagnosis that your body is doing the wacky, it's even harder when it's a diagnosis that comes with a lot of stigma and scorn from doctors who basically tell you, "It's your own fault, you stupid obese person. I despise you, why did you even come in for treatment that you don't deserve? Why can't you just stop being a fat slob and get skinny? STFU and die already, kthnxbai." And yes, I've gotten that treatment from doctors before, as have many others, I wager.

So, maybe, when you make a sugar free product that's designed for people who are facing this sort of thing, try to have something people would actually want to put in their mouths.

Kind of Tired,

PS - Splenda does not taste like sugar. At all. It tastes like an artificial sugar substitute because it is an artificial sugar substitute. Please quit trying to convince me that my tastebuds are wrong. Nothing tastes like sugar but sugar. Maybe keeping this in mind when you make your reduced sugar/sugar free food will help you to make things that are better tasting.
earthbelow: (switchable2)
I suppose it must be a bit wonky for everyone who's getting back to the daily grind after Thanksgiving. Although, it must be the one week of the year that retail people are glad it's Monday and not Friday.

I found the best new thing for my whole Be Less Out of Shape thing that I'm trying to do. Basically it uses Google Maps to help you see a route to run (or walk in my case, mostly) and tells you how far it is.

I didn't realize that I'd actually been doing a smidge over two and a half miles every morning. I thought I was barely up to a mile. My ability to judge distances is completely shot.

I feel proud of this, but I also sort of want to keep it under my hat. Because last time I went home and was proud of myself for doing a mile every morning when I'd just started this whole exercising gig, my sister's immediate response was, "You need to do two miles".

In her defense, she's got a degree in Physical Therapy and does exercise for a living right now, so she probably was right, but it's a little disheartening to find out that what you thought was a big accomplishment actually isn't.

So I'm sort of afraid that if I dare to say how proud I am that I get up at 6:40am and drag my butt out of the house to go walking/jogging two and a half miles, my sister will then say, "You need to do five miles".

I also discovered that if I take the long way to the grocery store nearest my house, I can do a mile easy.

I'll make no secret of the fact that it would be really nice to go home to Florida and be a few pounds slimmer, especially since the scale is sort of scaring me. It says that I've put on around six pounds, which is completely terrifying.

I keep telling myself that it's just because I was off my meds for a month and my hormones got wacky and caused weight gain, and that now that I'm on my meds and I'm being a good girl after a fantastically decadent Thanksgiving, I'll be okay.
earthbelow: (kitteh_iz_ded)
And no, I'm not referring to the refreshing change in our government coming this January, although I will say that my joy at seeing Barack Obama elected president will stay with me for the rest of my life.

No, I'm talking about healthcare in which the doctor is actually helpful.

Short story: I finally got my meds. Longer tale of woe and eventual victory beneath the cut. Some mild medical/girly TMI. )

So that's finally resolved (thank god!).

Now if I could just find a job that I'd actually enjoy going to, or sell a novel and make a fortune, and figure out this wedding thing, I'd have everything in my life pretty well fixed. Which kinda points to how good I have it, in comparison to others.

But fear not, because a new day is on the horizon. We have hope, we have strength, and eventually, we'll have solutions.


earthbelow: (Default)

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